May 31, 18 - 00:56am, 2 weeks and 3 days ago
i suppose this is it, only 22 days remain, my favourite number.
4 days until AP1, 8 days until AP2 and then three exams, MPC3, AP3, MPC4 day after day in 13 days - then finally, DC1 on the 22nd.
AP1 and AP2 should be piss, i’ve written about 160 pages of “condensed” notes (I tried okay – i’m deliberating scanning all of my notes and uploading them here since I think they’re a great resource for the new spec) - I’m quite concerned about the three maths exams though, MPC4 more so than the rest, that fucking exam is looming over me, I can’t shake the feeling that i’m going to catastrophically fail - I don’t feel as prepared as I feel I should, these next two weeks are definitely the time to get in some solid practice.
Almost every day I wake up and think about how I’m going to feel on results day when I find out if I’ve either got into my university or been rejected - it’s fucking me up. i’ve pondered just not checking my results on the 18th of august, just pretend it doesn’t exist until i’m drunk enough not to care. all this puts into perspective the hard determinism of it all, that i’ll either be rejected/accepted the moment i set my pen down on the final exam paper, and everything that comes afterwards is irrelevant.
Last year I used to think that exams were a test of me vs everyone in the room (and then expand that into me vs everyone in the country), when in reality it’s simply you vs the exam paper, sure, the performance of others has a slight impact on the grade boundaries but one could get 100% on a paper and the performance of others doesn’t matter in the slightest. it’s a test of your performance, nothing else.