not doing great

2018-11-05 05:37:00 +0000, 2 weeks ago

I’ve been here for about 44 days now. I don’t like it that much.

Things didn’t start out really that great - for starters, I didn’t even realise I had a timetable until I went to a lab and overheard people talking about it. Turns out I missed the first days’ lectures - all the introductory ones, not great.

Then things got worse. Maths has never really been my strong point, I’ve always been insecure about how good I am at it - For context, I only scraped getting into this Uni by 8 UMS in A-level maths - not great when you’re doing a maths intensive degree for 4 years.

Anyway, MATH1055 is one of the modules I’m enrolled in, as you may guess it’s all maths. It’s kind of different to my other modules in that it’s a ‘self-study module’ - meaning you learn everything, on your own, in your own time - no lectures and no help from tutors. There’s a math workshop but I don’t really feel comfortable going to those.

So there’s 24 weeks to learn 20 modules, ranging from Complex Numbers to Matricies, with a test on each module every week. A week per module about. Each module is worth 1% of your final mark, so they add up eventually.

The first week was Complex Numbers, new content is always difficult but I found this one fairly ok. I learned all the content, did all the questions and felt pretty prepared for the test. Except when I got to the room and saw everyone lined up talking about it I decided to just leave it… I figured I could always do the test in 2 days on Wednesday (You can attempt twice per week Mon/Wed).

When it got to Wednesday I didn’t go again, maybe on Monday I will. You can see how this is going… So for the last 5 weeks I’ve been doing pretty much that, avoiding doing the maths tests and avoiding learning the content, what started out as something small and I was confident in has snowballed to the point where I’m about 3 weeks behind in content and 5 weeks (going on 6) in tests.

I feel that this has just gotten out of hand to the point where if I ask the adjucators if I can do the 1st module, they’re going to say something like: “What the fuck have you been doing all this time?”, so on it goes with the avoidance.

Apart from MATH1055 being awful, I keep missing lectures too, I got hospitalized about 2 weeks ago for a suicide attempt, somehow I managed to hit an artery in my wrist and lost a lot of blood. Now my arm looks like a checkerboard and I feel like shit for not actually dying. Recovering from that took about a week, so I missed a week or so of lectures and 2 labs. :<

When I started coming back to the lectures I’d missed so much content I had no idea what the hell was going on - I’m only now trying to piece it all back together - which would be okay if there wasn’t a class test in 2 days that contributes ~30% of my summerative mark. Things are that bad.

I’m just kinda hoping since this is first semester, first year they won’t kick me out because of my poor results.

I am trying hard to keep it all together though, what with getting used to my new medications, new learning enviroment and constantly being alone since I don’t live a home - it’s just difficult.

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there's some rate-limiting going on with my comment provider atm, so i'd reccommend copying your message incase it gets blocked and retrying