Mostly incoherent babble

2016-10-08 00:24:00 +0000, 2 years and 6 days ago

EDIT: I talked to a friend and I’ve come to the decision, with her advice, that I should probably continue at college since no-one would take me seriously in any STEM field without them, which is I see now is true; I’ll probably end up going to uni too, it’s probably for the best to slog out the hard part at the moment; besides it’s only around six months per college year.

So I’ve been thinking about my possible options.
I’ve been considering three two options, these are:

Now there’s several issues with all of these options, let’s start logically (I realize this is more of a external soliloquy since no-one will even read this) from the top.
Continue with college, the main issue with this is that I don’t even know if I’m good enough to pass them, with a decent grade anyway and by that I mean A/B, my track record has been, well, very shaky to say the least, last year I got ABB, but that was orders of magnitude easier since I was just re-sitting. I got 44%, a D, in the Physics intro paper even though I got A* in Unit 3 last year, yet 84% in the Maths intro, an A; which last year I got a B, it’s totally nonsensical.

I got a B in Electronics last year, which is okay I suppose; I’m still somewhat disappointed in myself since I did write a lot of notes on it; I have learned from it that I need to study earlier. The crux of leaving college however is that I don’t want to go into some menial apprenticeship/job; I see that there is an overlap, that is, I’m not good enough for college; yet too good (or so I think) for an apprenticeship that only requires GCSE’s. I am also conflicted over whether or not I’m being a defeatist, is it wise or idiotic to choose a different option to which I was so set on before? Perhaps. I don’t want to waste my time on something that will get me nowhere in life or be shilled into something useless.

I have a pretty strong animosity towards failure, I think that success in college/uni will bring me some kind of validation that I did okay at something, due to quite a lot of interaction with someone who dropped out of University however, I’ve become averted to going for it, even though it may be different from my own experience, I still cannot push the thought of it out of my head, maybe it is pointless to dwell on something that only 27-40% of the population achieve, even then you aren’t guaranteed a job at the end of it, I’m less interested in getting a job but more-so in learning about the subject, yet realistically it’s not possible for me to do so considering that I need an active cash-flow very soon in the future, for reasons.

An apprenticeship is something I’m strongly gravitating towards, I don’t want to spend 2 years on what I would consider to be useless to me, that is, no job at the end of it and limited options upon leaving. University would give me the credentials to get a lot of jobs. Yet most people insist that you do not need one to get a ‘decent’ job, that experience is more important in the industry than a degree; I can’t say which is true. I want to work somewhere that I would actually enjoy & means something (rather than some boring web-dev job being a codemonkey writing HTML for some hipster site on spinning tops or something.), BAE, SpaceX, Boston Dynamics to name a few. I would not want to work at a place designing circuits for a food company for example, I understand it is arrogant of me to assume them beneath me. Those ‘important’ companies are locked behind a gate in which the key is a degree (or so I’m told), I would assume it be impossible to get a job at those important STEM places without a degree. I would like to think that those places hire on the basis of talent and passion, hopefully so. (It probably appears that I’ve already made up my mind, I will continue to dwell on what to do until the end of the college year, June 2017, at this rate I may finish college by the time I’ve finished thinking about what to do.)

I did want to join the RAF but that is not possible for me to do because that would require me to go through the training course; a complicated subject which I don’t really want to discuss why, but I just cannot do it. I was hoping that the RAF branch would allow me to go skip this stage, but apparently it’s mandatory; I was very hopeful for the RAF a few months ago considering there is ample jobs in what I wanted to do, plus the income is much higher than civilian apprenticeships. Time to scribble that off the list now that I’ve thought about it.

If you got this far then well done for reading through my mostly incoherent ‘type-as-fast-as-I-think’ post.



there's some rate-limiting going on with my comment provider atm, so i'd reccommend copying your message incase it gets blocked and retrying