Now that I’m thinking about it I always displayed some of the tell-tale signs of an eating disorder when I was in private school from age 13-15ish. From chewing food and spitting it out to near obsessive calorie counting.
I remember one time when I picked up several chocolate muffins and just walked around the perimeter of school chewing and spitting them out into the yellow bins. Or putting my fingers around my wrist - a sort of competition, how could I get them to the point where my pinky finger and thumb could meet.
I didn’t even know eating disorders were a thing until a friend in music class said she kept a “thinspo” blog. I never really cared much for those kinds of things. Eventually my lack of eating caused me to lose appetite completely, being able to eat almost nothing for a week on end sometimes.
However there came a point when I realized I was probably going to fuck my body up for a long time if I didn’t just start eating. Before that happened I’d started to suffer from frequent headaches, dizzy-headedness and other typical afflictions. This continued until one day I was having a shower, and I simply passed out.
I fell out of the bathtub and hit my head on the corner of the door. I was lying on the floor for some time - of course to me, when I came around it felt like I’d just instantly teleported from the shower, to the floor.
That was the first time in my life I’d ever passed out. This resulted in me being referred to a doctor for assessment - I remember saying; “I don’t not want to eat - I just don’t feel hungry”. I almost got hospitalized. Thankfully the doctor thought I had most of my marbles intact and just told me to eat more. And I did.
And that’s pretty much it. I just started eating again. No group therapy - nothing to push me along to eat, I just did it. I seem to be able to do that with most things.Return?