sometimes it’s nice to take a step back and think about all you’ve achieved over the year so far. i find that it’s so easy to criticize yourself, to focus too much on your failings and flaws without even taking a second to respect your accomplishments.
i’m currently in a position i would definitely have not even considered a possibility 3-4 years ago - i hardly even thought i’d live to 18 going on 19 now. it seems silly to say that now but it’s what i believed. i have someone i care about, i think he cares about me too, and a tangible direction in life – i’m glad i carried on trying and trying - in the face of all that was ahead of me i could’ve cut it all short but i didn’t, and here i am as a result. i like to think that’s one of my most positive traits.
i’m in a good thought loop right now wherein anything i consider anything difficult or hard to be positive thing, that i should try harder to overcome difficulties as it shapes me into a better person, that pain is weakness leaving your body yada yada.
depending on if i manage an A in maths will dictate the next 4 years of my life, and honestly, if i dont get that A it’s ok. i’m not going to end up hating myself for failing to live up to my expectations (i tell myself that now but in reality that certainly wont be the case), i’m still capable of achieving what i want to in life and going to a different university is not the end-all-be-all of any career prospects.
what i’m trying to say is that even if things don’t stick to my rigid, methodically planned route i’m still going to turn out okay.
it’ll be okay.Return?